


In Dark Places

by IWasAlwaysDead



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Abortion, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Yagami Light Is Not Kira (Death Note), Bottom L (Death Note), Eventual L/Yagami Light, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Gay Sex, Healing, M/M, Mpreg, Rape/Non-con Elements, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:55:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29310699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWasAlwaysDead/pseuds/IWasAlwaysDead
Summary: L goes through something very personal that he finds quite traumatic. In his struggle to deal with it, he finds true love and healing in Light.
Relationships: Beyond Birthday/L, L/Yagami Light
Comments: 15
Kudos: 33





	1. Protection

**Author's Note:**

> I am in the mood for something sad since learning my grandpa died yesterday. So, this is what I came up with.

“God damnit!” L placed his head in his hand, sighing heavily. He wanted to punch something or cry or eat an entire cake by himself. The cake thing might actually happen. The rest of it might happen too. He closed his eyes. He didn't want to look again. Didn't want it to be true.

“Well?” Came the ever patient voice of a furious father on the other side of the door.

L winced and shifted on the toilet seat. He didn't want to say it out loud because then it would be real. “It's positive.”

“God dammit L! How hard is it to use protection?” Watari rarely yelled at L, rarely swore. The man was _outraged._ How could his genius son be such an idiot?

When L opened the stall door and stood before him, shriveled, ashamed, unable to look him in the eye, his tune changed. “Oh L,” he said as he wrapped his son in a hug. “It'll be okay. I'll call the clinic today.”

“Thank you, Watari,” L mumbled. He didn't feel good about having an abortion but he knew he wasn't fit to bring a child into the world either. It was the most logical solution to the problem. He'd made a mistake and now he was paying the price.

The two men made it downstairs to the HQ computer room with time to spare before everyone arrived. L was losing himself to that cake he dreamed up earlier when a sudden wave of nausea hit him out of nowhere. Light was asking if he was alright, but L was too busy racing to the bathroom to vomit to respond.

“L?” Light asked tentatively as he made his way into the bathroom. “Can I get you anything? Are you sick?”

“Please just leave me alone,” L’s troubled voice echoed in the cold bathroom.

Light found which stall L was in and stood with plenty of distance from him as L wretched again. L sure seemed sick to him. In fact, L hadn't seemed right for _weeks._ He was moody and unfocused. He was more tired than usual, even falling asleep in the middle of the day at one point. Perhaps Light hadn’t known L very long, but he knew him well enough to know that something hadn't been right for a while now.

It was when L threw up a final time that realization came over Light. “Holy shit. You're pregnant.”

L scowled at Light. He stood as he flushed the toilet. “I would prefer if you kept this between us. I'll be getting rid of it soon anyway.”

“Wait. Really? You don't want to keep it?” Light wasn’t sure why he was surprised a man who grew up as an orphan and didn't really like people wouldn't want to keep his baby.

“Not particularly,” L replied flatly as he rinsed his mouth with water from the sink.

Light's face fell. “That's too bad. Any child of yours is sure to be a prodigy.”

“Yes, well, too bad I don't want children.”

“Ever?”

“Can we end this conversation?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Light felt bad. What must it be like to be so cold? What made L that way?

As L turned away and walked through the door to return to work, he felt his heart shatter. Of course he wanted his baby. Of course he wanted to keep it. He simply _couldn't._

Pushing his heart break aside, L dove into his work to distract himself from the inevitable. He didn't have time to think of babies and doctors appointments. Besides, he'd have to give up sugar and coffee if he wanted to have a baby and that simply wasn't happening.

L stopped for a moment. What a stupid reason not to have a child. Of course he'd give those things up. He'd give _anything…_ “Excuse me,” he mumbled as he whirled around in his chair and walked back into the bathroom for a third time that day.

Light hesitated to follow this time, unsure if his presence was welcome. L seemed determined to go through this alone anyway. All Light knew was that if that was _his_ baby he'd be fighting tooth and nail to keep it. He'd always wanted to be a father.

Silent and brooding, L returned with red eyes and puffy cheeks and not a single word to say about it. It was obvious to Light that L had been sobbing in the bathroom and in that moment his heart broke. Maybe L hadn’t been totally honest earlier when he said he didn't care? He couldn't be totally sure, but Light had some idea that L wasn't as cold as he made himself out to be.

Toward the end of the day, Watari approached L. “Sir, your appointment is this afternoon. We leave in ten minutes.”

 _So fast?_ “Thank you, Watari.” L acted casual but inside he was dying. He'd only just found out about the life inside him and he wouldn't even get the chance to come to terms with it. He wouldn't even spend one night deliberating. No. It ended the same day it began for him.

“Would you like me to go with you?” Light asked.

“No, thank you. I'll be okay.” Even as L said the words he knew they weren't true.

It seemed like he blinked and he was in the back of the town car. He blinked again and he was in the sterile office waiting room. One more time and he was in a little room changing into a paper gown. Everything happened so fast and yet felt like it was in slow motion.

A young nurse stepped in with the doctor, a tray full of instruments in her hands. L was instructed to lay back on the bed with his feet in the stirrups. “It'll feel cold,” the doctor said. “You'll feel pressure.”

L felt both those things and more as he counted ceiling tiles and tried to remain relaxed. There was a bit of cramping and a burning sensation. Then whatever tools were inside him were removed and the doctor announced, “All done.” Like it was a science project he was turning in for a grade.

Just like that, L wasn't pregnant anymore. Just like that, his future remained unaltered. Just like that, the life that once called his body home was dead and he couldn't take it back. He couldn't rewind time. He was putting his clothes back on and leaving as though nothing catastrophic had just happened. As though he weren't traumatized.

In the back of the town car, L looked down at his flat stomach. _I’m sorry,_ he thought to himself as he tried to push away the tears. It wasn't a good idea to have a baby, he knew. Besides, the circumstances of conception had been less than ideal. _That wasn't her fault…_ L shook his head. There was absolutely no way to know if his baby had been a girl. _It's just this feeling I have…_

Back at HQ, L climbed the stairs to his room in silence. Tonight, he'd mourn the loss. Tonight he'd cry over what could have been. He'd let his hormones rage and his confused body try to figure out what to do with its empty womb. He sure as hell didn't know what to do.

Then, tomorrow, he'd carry on as if nothing at all had happened. But something _had_ happened. Something tragic and terrible and overwhelmingly sad had happened. L had never had a biological family, and he flushed his chance at one down the drain. The regret he felt consumed him and L didn't know what to do with himself.

“You weren't _nothing,”_ he whispered into his pillow. “You were everything. Never again. I'm never doing this again.”

Sleep would evade L but he found his resolve. It didn't matter to him that his child wouldn't have been the product of a loving relationship. So what if he conceived against his own will? That didn't matter to him. Or did it? What if she looked like the one who had assaulted him? What if she took after the monster that had infiltrated his life and ripped away his innocence? L’s only experience with sex was a forced experience his mind blocked out. He only knew it happened because of the blood in his underwear the next day that accompanied his sore body. He didn't remember his assailant. Couldn't recall exactly what happened. _Use protection,_ Watari had said. But L had thought Watari _would_ protect him. He was wrong.


	2. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light invites L to the aquarium. L confesses to Watari how he became pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be lots of fluff despite the rough beginning!

L’s alarm would blare and L would rise from the bed he failed to sleep in. His stomach cramped. This was miserable. How was he supposed to make it through the day when he could hardly stand to brush his teeth? No amount of coffee was going to help him now. He resigned to the fact that he'd be a walking zombie, useless to the case and living in a brain fog induced head ache until he slept again.

As it turned out, sleep would come at the most inopportune time for L. He'd be at his desk, unable to keep his head up. The keyboard was where his forehead finally rested, the letter “g" repeating in a line across his screen. A little puddle of drool pooled on the desk as he snored lightly, and Light wasn't sure what to do.

Leaving the desk where they worked side by side, Light went into the break room and found the fluffy throw laying over the back of the couch. He pulled it off and carried it over to L. He slung it over L’s shoulders, making sure the detective was warm as he slept in his awkward position.

Watari approached and sighed as he handed Light a cup of afternoon tea. “He had a rough night,” was all the old man said before turning away. Watari wondered if he’d made the wrong decision. If he was too hard on L. He hadn't really asked L what he wanted and now it was too late. Maybe they could've kept the baby if that's what L had preferred. Why didn't he speak up? Watari didn't think L had an opinion on the matter until after they left the clinic. L’s eyes looked haunted. Troubled. That's when Watari knew they'd made a mistake.

L woke up roughly an hour into his nap, dazed and groggy. “Why don't you call it a day?” Light suggested. “We've got it from here.”

L simply stared at Light for a moment, trying to process what was being said to him. Going upstairs and sleeping the day away did sound nice, but, he didn't want to be alone. “I would rather stay here and work,” L insisted.

Light shrugged but didn't argue. If that's what L wanted, then that's what he'd do. Light couldn't help but feel bad, however. L was in obvious distress. “Would it help to talk about it?” Light tried.

“No,” came the abrupt reply. “I would rather move on like it didn't happen.”

 _But it did happen,_ Light thought as he looked over at L. The man just couldn't be reached. Light sighed as he got back to work. Hopefully L knew he was there for him as a friend of he ever changed his mind.

The next day, Light popped in to a Bakery on his way to HQ. They were quite popular among locals, and the smell of fresh baked goodies flowed out onto the sidewalk as he approached. It was a little brick building with a hand made sign, run by an older couple who genuinely seemed to love what they did and each other. Light decided to order two of their strawberry and cream muffins. L was sure to love them, he thought. _Maybe it'll cheer him up._

When Light arrived at the office, L was already hard at work and completely ignoring the rest of the team. At least L looked like he'd gotten some sleep the night before. Light approached the desk and placed the brown paper bag before L. “I thought you might like these."

Curious, L opened the bag and peered inside. The delicious smell filled his nostrils and he salivated as he lifted a muffin from the bag. Biting into it, he closed his eyes and ‘mmmmmd’ as he chewed. “This is spectacular. Thank you, Light.”

Light beamed as L turned to him and smiled. It seemed the small gesture went quite a long way in making L happy, and the detective seemed to stay in a good mood the rest of the day. He smiled at Light several times, even making small talk with him, which was quite unusual. Even Watari took note of the way L was warming up to his younger colleague. _Good,_ the old man thought. _L needs friends._

When Friday rolled around, the team was discussing their weekend plans when Light turned to L and asked, “What are you doing this weekend?”

L shrugged, “Probably working on the case, though Watari often forces me to go on outings during the weekends.”

Light giggled a bit at imagining L being forced to enjoy a beautiful Spring day at a park with the old man. “I'm taking my girlfriend to the aquarium. You should join us.”

“Girlfriend?” L asked, confused. Since even did Light have a girlfriend?

“Yeah,” Matsuda butted in, excited, “He's dating Misa! Tokyo's own up and coming star!”

“Oh,” L mumbled, somehow feeling dejected without knowing why.

“Well? Do you want to go with us?” Light asked again.

L looked over at Light, thinking. If he didn't go with Light and Misa to the aquarium, Watari would surely force him to do something else. “Okay,” L said.

Light was a bit surprised but glad that L had accepted his invite. He hadn't been looking forward to going alone with her, but with L there it was sure to be a lot better. “Cool. See you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah, tomorrow…” L lazily waved Light off as he exited HQ.

Watari was happy to see L socializing. He needed friends and to get out of HQ and to do something normal. As Watari served L vegetable soup with dumplings for dinner, he smiled across the table at the young man before him. “I'm proud of you, L. I don't say that enough.”

L swallowed his spoonful of soup as he looked at Watari. Where had that come from? “Weren't you ashamed of me not two days ago?”

“I was disappointed, not ashamed. I simply thought I raised you to be more careful.”

L looked down at his bowl, his appetite suddenly leaving. Why did it feel like Watari was blaming him for what happened? His soup rippled from his tears splashing in it.

“L? What's the matter?” Watari hadn’t seen L cry in years.

L shook his head, still looking down. He clenched his hands into balled fists on the table.

“L, please tell me,” Watari sounded concerned.

Without looking up, L finally admitted the truth, the one thing he never wanted to say out loud because then he couldn't take it back. Couldn't pretend it didn't happen. “I was raped, Watari.”

An audible gasp left the old man as he slung back his chair and raced over to the young man he considered his son. He wrapped L in his arms and pulled him from his chair, squeezing him hard as L burst into tears. “Oh God, L. Oh _God._ Why didn't you tell me right when it happened? I could've done something!”

L clung to Watari as he sobbed, his fingers clenching the old man's shirt. Weeks of pent up pain and anger came pouring out of him. His whole body shook as Watari held him. “I don't know. I don't know…” he whispered between gulps of air and harsh sobs. Maybe because he was afraid? He thought he could deal with it on his own? He didn't want to go to a hospital and have his genitals on display as the staff ran a rape kit that would just sit there, no use to anyone. He didn't want to acknowledge what had happened to him. Didn't want it to be real.

But it was real. It was real and it was terrifying and it gave him nightmares. It made it hard for him to trust people and afraid of getting close to anyone. It made him feel disgusting and used. It shattered his self esteem. L finally stood up and let go of Watari, wiping his eyes.

The old man looked at L, so full of sorrow and anger. “Do you know who did this to you?”

L wanted to say no. He gulped as his throat went dry and his vision blurred. Despite his best attempts to stay silent he said, “Yes.”

“Who?”

“Beyond.”

Watari saw red. Immediately he grabbed his cell phone from his pocket and called Roger. Beyond Birthday was a fellow student at Wammy's and L’s first boyfriend. Watari had figured the baby was Beyond's but he had no idea it wasn't consensual. L and Beyond broke up right before they left for Japan, and looking back, Watari now understood why L seemed so hurt over it. He thought it was over the break up, but it was because Beyond had assaulted him. “L, I want you to try to finish dinner. I'm going to talk with Roger.”

L nodded and sat back in his chair as he watched Watari exit the room. His appetite returned a little, and he sighed. Watari truly loved him. In that moment L decided it was best not to keep things from Watari in the future. The old man had his best interest at heart and deserved to know what was going on in his life.


	3. The Aquarium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light, L and Misa visit the aquarium on their day off

Saturday morning brought with it sunshine and warmth. L got up feeling refreshed for the first time in weeks. It seemed that confessing the truth to Watari had helped him tremendously. For the first time in a long time, L felt like everything was going to be okay.

He showered, attempted to unsuccessfully tame his wild hair, ate the breakfast Watari made, and actually looked forward to going to the aquarium. He particularly looked forward to spending time with Light outside of HQ. He'd grown fond of the young man over the short time they'd spent working together. Light was considerate and kind and genuinely cared about L. He was all the things B was not.

Light and Misa showed up in her ridiculous looking pink convertible, top down. For a brief moment L wondered if he could change his mind about going. Light's bright smile and welcoming presence convinced him to stick it out instead. He got in the back seat, and tried to make the most of the warmth and the wind blowing in his face. At least it drowned out Misa's annoying voice.

As they made their way to the aquarium, L took notice of how Light and Misa interacted. He really didn't seem that into her, in L’s opinion. She also seemed wrong for him. Where Light could be so altruistic and intelligent, she seemed brainless and vain. They were truly a odd pair and L wondered why Light gave her the time of day. She was certainly not worthy of him.

Once they'd arrived, L was relieved to see the place wasn't packed. Crowds were something he was never fond of to begin with, but after his assault he found he couldn't handle them at all. School groups and small families made up the majority of the people there, and L felt he could handle that.

They came to a large glass tunnel that took them right through the middle of a seemingly unending tank. Fish of every imaginable color, shape, and size swam all around them. In that moment, L realized her never been to an aquarium before but realized he really quite enjoyed it.

They came to a seal and penguin exhibit, and Misa nearly ruined the moment with her ear piercing squeals. Other people were giving her like, and Light seemed embarrassed. He laughed nervously, “Now Misa, they're not _that_ exciting.”

She didn't get the hint, however, and continued carrying on, much to the misery of everyone around her. Light gave L an apologetic look as they moved on. Next, they came across a tank with sharks in it, which apparently scared Misa. She clung to Light's arm so hard that at one point he tried to shake her off but couldn't. L just rolled his eyes as he watched Light becoming more and more irritated with the idiot blond.

Around lunch time they stopped in the Café for some food and to rest their feet. They still had a few things left to check out and of course Light had promised Misa he'd get her something from the gift shop.

“I have to pee!” Misa announced as though anyone cared. She stood from her seat and emptied her tray and skipped off to the restroom.

“Why are you with her?” L asked flatly. He hadn't meant to be so direct. In his mind he was going to have tact but his mouth had other ideas. “I'm sorry, that was rude. I can just tell she really aggravates you.”

“To be honest with you I thought about breaking up with her,” Light said with candor, “When we first got together I think I was just blinded by how cool I thought it would be having a famous girlfriend.”

“But the shiny wore off?”

“The shiny wore off,” Light agreed, then he sighed, “Besides, I need to be true to myself. Misa has been pushing me for more things. Pushing me to be intimate with her, and I'm just not interested.”

“Really? I mean she’s pretty hot,” _at least she's got the physical going for her._

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm gay,” Light admitted.

This surprised L because he and Light weren't particularly close that they shared personal details like that with each other. Light _had_ kept L’s secret, however, so maybe that was why he shared. “Oh,” L responded, unsure what to say. “Have you ever been with a guy? How can you be sure it's that and not just _her_ specifically you're not into?”

“I've dated other girls and felt the same way. Plus, I've had a few male celebrity crushes,” Light blushed at this.

“Like who?”

“You-" Light was cut off when Misa came bouncing back over to the table announcing she was ready to see the other exhibits.

L was left wondering if Light meant _he_ was his celebrity crush or if he was trying to say something like “You know…”. L had been a world famous detective for a very long time. He even got fan mail he never read. He knew that it had been a big deal for Light to land this job with him, and Light had said as much when he began working with L.

All his thoughts and questions would have to wait until another time, however, because Misa was demanding they continue to explore. The two guys followed behind her as she led them to a wall full of tanks with eels. They got a good laugh out of the disgusted faces she made.

Finally, they had seen all the aquarium had to offer and made their way to the gift shop. Despite being afraid of the real thing, Misa fell in love with an over priced stuffed shark she just _had_ to have. Light rolled his eyes but bought her the stupid thing regardless.

On the way home, they dropped L off at HQ first. He waved them goodbye and decided that despite how annoying Misa was, he really did have a good time. It occurred to him that it might be nice to just be him and Light one day, but he pushed that thought away. He was damaged goods. Nobody was going to want him and all his emotional baggage. Socially awkward adult orphan who grew up in the system just to be abused in his first relationship. No thanks. Even he didn't want that.


	4. Break Ups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light spend more time together after Light decides to dump Misa

L slept well again for the second time in months. He dreamed of being happy and in love, of having babies and not being forced to get rid of them. It was the first good dream he'd had in a while. Possibly in years. He woke up refreshed and ready for the day. Checking his phone, he saw a text from Light. He'd sent it around 2am. It read: **I broke up with Misa.**

There were no other texts after that. With his heart in his throat, L stamped out a reply: **Light, I'm so sorry. I just now woke up to this message. Are you alright?**

It didn't take long for Light to get back to him. **I didn't sleep at all. She's still blowing up my phone. I'm debating changing my number.**

L thought a moment before replying, his thumbs hovering over the keyboard. **Want to come over?**

Light: **Absolutely. See you in ten?**

L: **I'll be here.**

Light wasn't kidding about the ten minute arrival time. He arrived so fast that L was left wondering if Light had already been on his way over. It didn't appear that Light had gotten dressed in a hurry either, though he certainly looked exhausted.

L escorted Light to his room, which consisted of the entire floor being converted into one giant suite. It had panoramic windows overlooking the Tokyo skyline. The kitchen was huge, complete with granite counter tops and a wine fridge that Light was surprised to see full.

“You drink?” Light asked once he laid eyes on the wine.

“Occasionally I like to indulge myself in a glass. Would you like some?” L offered as he approached the kitchen.

“Yes please,” Light said, in desperate need of a drink after the night he had.

“White or red?”

“Whatever you're having,” Light suggested as he took a seat in one of the bar stools. He leaned against the cold granite as he watched L pour two glasses of white wine.

“I'm in the mood for a pinot,” L said as he handed Light his glass. Holding up his own, L toasted Light, saying, “To being true to yourself.”

“May it never take three years to figure out,” Light added.

“Three years?” L couldn't believe Light was with her that long. No wonder he needed a drink.

“Yup,” Light said as he took one large sip, then savored the expensive wine. It was delicious and potent. Sure to get the job done. “Wasted time.”

“Don't say that. Surely you learned something?”

“Yeah, what not to do.” Light scoffed jokingly to himself as he continued drinking. “Show me around, L. Give me the nickel tour.”

“Alright,” L carried his glass with him as he entered the living room. He walked by a rather large and comfortable looking L shaped couch facing a large flat screen TV. “This is the lounge,” he joked.

“Very nice,” Light complimented, rubbing a hand along the top of the couch.

L led him to a large master bedroom with an attached bathroom. It was magnificent and professionally decorated. It was almost too much, and L definitely seemed out of place living in such luxury. He seemed like someone who appreciated simplicity to Light. “This place is so beautiful,” Light complimented as he looked around.

“Thank you,” L replied bashfully as he led Light back out of the room.

He shouted Light the hall bathroom which wasn't as opulent but was still stunning. Last but not least was the guest room. “Feel free to stay the night if you drink too much. I don't want you to drink and drive,” L said. He didn't want to explain himself, but it was how his parents had died.

“Thank you, L,” Light said with an appreciative grin.

The two settled back in the kitchen where L asked if Light was hungry while also admitting he had no skill for cooking at all. Light laughed and suggested microwave popcorn and a movie. This sounded like a great idea to L, and the two settled on the couch with their wine and popcorn to watch whatever was on Netflix.

About halfway through The Greatest Showman, Light fell asleep against L’s side and L didn't have the heart to wake him. Instead, he looked down at Light's sleeping face and imagined kissing him. Then he flushed red and his heart fluttered. He wished Light was his but also knew better than to go for a guy who just had a break up. Besides, Light only saw him as a friend.

L’s eyes began to feel heavy so he slid carefully out from under Light and tossed a blanket over him. “Goodnight,” L whispered as he made his way to his own bedroom.

It was habit for L to sleep with his door open, and tonight was no exception. What he hadn't anticipated, however, was the wine triggering a nightmare. L woke up thrashing around, trying to protect himself from an assailant that wasn't really there. He was screaming and crying and terrified.

“L!” Light yelled as he ran into the room, panic stricken and unsure what to do. He reached out and grabbed L’s flailing arms as he sat on the bed, “L, it's me. You're okay. You're alright!”

Breathing heavily and wide eyed, L slowly stopped struggling as he realized what was going on. As Light instinctively wrapped his arms around L, L fell into Light's chest and heaved a shuddering breath. “I'm sorry,” he mumbled against Light's shirt.

Light stroked L’s hair as he held him. “Sorry for what?”

L shrugged his shoulders and Light couldn't help but laugh a bit. He continued holding L as L calmed down and began breathing normally again. Without thinking twice about it, Light kissed the top of L’s head as he comforted him. L immediately wondered if it meant something. Was it just an affectionate kiss meant to comfort him in the moment? Or was it a prelude to more?

Tilting his head up, L locked eyes with Light and studied his features. Light’s eyes were soft and loving. There was nothing to decode there. The way Light felt for L was written plainly on his face. L rested the side of his head against Light's chest and listened to the strong thump of his heart. It was soothing.

“Let's lay down and see if you can get back to sleep,” Light suggested as he let L go.

Following Light's suggestion like an order, L crawled beneath the covers of his bed and placed his head against his pillow. When Light didn't follow suit, L looked at him but didn't say anything.

“Are you comfortable with me sleeping in the bed with you?” Light figured he could probably sleep on the floor if needed.

“Of course I am,” L said. He had expected Light to get under the covers with him.

“Alright,” Light whispered, pulling back the covers and sliding beneath them. He'd never shared a bed with another guy before. Especially not a guy he had strong feelings for. It felt so natural to lay there with L, however. It felt right in a way it could never feel with someone else. He found he wanted things from L that he didn't want from others and he wanted to give L things he never desired to give away before. It was all so new and beautiful and perfect. Yet somehow it was delicate and precious.

Light placed an arm over L and drew his body flush against his own. L nestled securely against Light, and the two fell back into a peaceful sleep together. No more nightmares plagued L the rest of the night. They both slept hard the rest of the night.


	5. Rooftop Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light have quite the eventful day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! My apologies for getting off kilter with updating. I'm settling into a new routine at my new job while trying to pack up and move next week. It's been stressful! Once things have calmed down I'm sure I'll be consistent again!

The next morning was quite awkward for Light. It shocked and slightly embarrassed Light when Watari appeared in the door, but the old man was unflappable, greeting them both with coffee and bagels as if this were a regular occurrence. Sheepishly, Light accepted the breakfast and tried not to be awkward. It wasn't like they were naked or caught having sex. Still, it was pretty unusual for two grown men to be in bed together.

Then Watari did something that really confused Light. He handed L a very small syringe and L lifted his shirt and stabbed himself in the stomach like it was nothing.

“What are you doing?” Light asked, somewhat alarmed.

L looked at him like he was weird for asking, then realized Light probably had never seen something like that before. “Oh. I'm diabetic. My insulin pump broke so I have to do it the old fashioned way until a new one comes in,” L explained as he tossed the syringe in a tiny red container on the tray and accepted the glucometer Watari offered. Light watched in fascination as L pricked his finger and tested his blood sugar.

“Oh wow,” Light said as he watched. L seemed satisfied with the reading from the glucometer and placed it back on the tray. Watari then excused himself and left with their plates and empty cups. “How long have you been diabetic?”

“Uh,” L placed a finger to his lip in thought. “Since forever, I guess. I was diagnosed as a kid. I passed out on the playground and when I got to the ER my blood sugar was some insanely high number. I don't recall exactly.”

“Oh wow. Is there anything I need to know about it? Do you have a special diet?” Light asked.

L chuckled, “I should limit sugar but I don't. Watari makes me eat healthy every chance he gets, however.”

Light already had it in his head that he was going to do research later and see what kinds of things he could do to support L. They were friends, and as his friend he wanted to be there for L and help keep him healthy.

The two of them got out of bed and ready for work. Light had to borrow clothes from L, the shirt he offered fitting okay but the jeans feeling a bit tight in the hips. It would do for one day, he figured. The nice thing about staying with L is that there was no commute to work. They simply got in the elevator and took it down a few floors to their office.

They did get a few funny looks from the others in the office but nobody said anything. Typically, Light dressed in slacks and a polo or a nice button up shirt. To see him in a t-shirt and jeans was unusual. Add to that the fact that it matched what L was wearing and eye brows were sure to raise.

Around lunch time, Watari slid L a paper note. When L unfolded it and began reading, Light immediately noticed his hands started to tremble. Reaching over slowly, Light placed his hand over L’s, bringing attention to his trembling hands as he lowered them. “L? What's wrong?”

For a moment all L could do was stare in shocked silence at Light. Then he stood abruptly, pulling away from Light’s touch and said, “Please excuse me,” as he headed for the elevator.

Light watched a moment before deciding to follow him. He didn't hold that man all night long to be shut out when his emotions spiked. He didn't keep one secret just for L to never share with him another. No, Light was invested now, whether L liked it or not. So, Light got up and followed after L.

L didn't look at Light as he stood next to him on the elevator. He didn't reject him or tell him he needed to be alone. All L did was push the button for the roof and reach for Light's hand. Light didn't say anything as he laced his fingers with L’s. Words weren't necessary yet.

Once on the roof, the wind blew their hair wildly and L walked close to the ledge. He wanted to scream. The wind wiped his tears as they formed, preventing them from falling down his face.

“Whatever it is, L, I'm here. I want to help you,” Light said as he stood and watched L pace.

L stopped and walked up to Light so their chests were nearly touching. They could feel each other's breath as their faces came so close they almost felt the others skin. L’s mouth was slightly open and Light's eyes were hooded. For a moment Light was sure L was going to kiss him. Instead, he stepped back, the look on his face changing. “Why? Why do you want to help me? Why do you care?”

Light gulped. He hadn't expected such direct questions. “Because I care for you.”

“Why?”

“I just do, damnit! Can't that be enough?” Light felt frustrated. He never could tell if L returned his feelings. “You're my friend. And if I'm being honest, I- I want more than that with you, one day.” There, he'd said it. He had laid all his cards out on the table.

L didn't speak at first. He just looked at Light a moment before responding with, “I'm pretty fucked up. You don't want me.”

“I do want you. And you're not fucked up.”

“You don't know the half of it, Light.” L crunched the paper in his fist, angry at the world for ruining him. Had he grown up in a decent household maybe he could've had a guy like Light. “I am utterly destroyed.” L began to shake again as he lost composure. “I feel used up. No good to anyone.”

“Don't you dare say that,” Light said as he stormed over to L and grabbed him into a forceful hug. “You are not used up. You're worth so much. You're so brilliant and amazing. Don't you ever say those things about yourself again.”

Light could feel L heaving and uncontrollably shake in his arms as he sobbed into Light's chest. L weakly clutched at Light's shirt, the emotional outpouring overwhelming him so much that he couldn't speak and nearly felt he couldn't breathe. It took a very long time for him to calm down, and when he did, he felt ready to explain to Light what had him so upset. “This note Watari gave me is… complicated. No, it's a simple note about a complicated matter. The man who- who got me pregnant- he was arrested.”

“On what charges?” Light couldn't tell yet if it was a good or bad thing that this had happened.

“Apparently multiple people have come forward accusing him of rape,” L looked down, the shame washing over him again. “I'm going to have to testify in court. I'm going to have to… they'll want me to talk about…”

“Oh, L,” Light said as he embraced L once again. “I'm so sorry. I'm so terribly sorry. And angry. I had no idea you'd been through so much.” The way L felt about himself finally made sense to Light. How distant he could be, how guarded. The way Light couldn't tell how L felt about him also made total sense. L was in so much pain. He had endured horrible trauma. And now he'd have to relive it all again in court.

L was quiet as he took in Light's comfort. Trust didn't come easily to L, but he found he trusted Light. Of course Light wasn't perfect and L knew that. It was just so nice to be cared for and L felt like he could get lost in it. “Thank you,” L finally whispered against Light's chest. “Thank you for being with me.”

Light kissed the top of L’s head just like he'd done the night before. Tilting his chin up, L decided he didn't want to wonder about kissing Light any more. Lithe fingers graced Light's cheek and the two men leaned into each other. Right before their lips met, however, L’s eyes shut and he went completely limp in Light's arms.

“L?” Light said as he caught L, nearly toppling over at the sudden weight in his arms. He shook L’s body, but L didn't wake. “L!” Frantic and panic stricken, Light hoisted L into his arms and dashed for the elevator. Hopefully Watari knew what was wrong with L. Light tried to stay calm, but his heart was bounding out of his chest.


End file.
